Refractory (6.29.16)

He is a child of the sun,
Spurned by a world who would not know him.
His heart is warped wood,
Rotten in some places but still beating.
He still pulses with light.
Whispering to the stars above to
Deliver him from the ache of living.
What he doesn't hear are the stars,
In hushed tones the remind him of joy.
The light shimmer of dew on grass
The droplets reflect the brilliant saccharine orange that reverberated through the mountain tops.
The way clouds roll lazily overhead. 
The fresh scent of wet earth after an unexpected storm.
He weathered that storm, 
And finally he sees the sun on the other side.

Aching. (6.14.16)

There is a bone deep tiredness,
I am washed in.
Bathed in emotions.

A pain so vibrant in its'
Rainbow hue.
People crying.

Tears like acid,
Burns the skin of a nation.
A familiar ache.

Promise it will never happen again,

As we count our dead.

As we consoul the living.

Gaslighting. (6.3.16)

I am searching.
I am looking for answers in between lines of code.
Strings of data attaching me,
To the Earth like
Anchors.

I am lost.
I am wondering hapless in the night.
Groping around in the darkness,
For a hand to pull me up.
Away.

I wish for little.
Love in the form of
Soft kisses
And 'good nights'.

Why is it
That my soft heart melts
At the sound
Of a blazing gun?

Ambient Thoughts. (5.30.16)

Phosphoric bones snap and glow,
Giving the world a brand new shine.

Something is glistening, wet and unruly
In the corner of her eye.

The sun lives inside.
A body, hollowed out.

Somewhere along the way
Her soul left her behind.

Through each hazy rain cloud,
A million new ideals drop down.

An unforgiving world is waiting
For their daily dose.

Surface thoughts hide deeper dreams,
Living in oppressive atmospheres.

She breaks.
Like waves,

Like dawn.

I Guess I've Read Too Many Books.

I have so much to give away.

I don't need all this love in my heart.
I don't need all the pretty words in my head.
I don't need the extra space in my car,
Or a cold spot in my bed.

I don't need visions of stars,
With no one to share them with,
And it's stupid as fuck, but.

I want someone so goddamn bad.
I want to be wanted,
And cherished,
And loved, and worshiped.

So I can want,
And love,
And worship in return.

An Update, and A Reminder.

Well hello gentlefolk.

I hope this update finds you well as I've been doing quite well myself.

Last update I clued you all in that I wasn't doing very well, problems with my mental health and problems with my physical stress. But the hurdles were jumped, the hoops set ablaze, and I came out the triumphant victor.
I quit my retail job because I hated it, and while not having a source of income sucked, it eventually led me to my current profession. I watch kids now (meaning I'm a nanny for hire), how fun. I make good enough money that I'm satisfied for now, I'm already thinking about getting another job on top of it, to help propel myself forward into new and untested waters.
I graduated high school, an anticlimactic event in itself. Perhaps more interesting come May 23rd, as that is the official ceremony date. The math was completed, the hours turned in, and the bell rung. I'm on my way to college now, I've decided to take a summer course. All to help maintain a scholarly mind. To, hopefully, give me better insight on how I'll fare in this new world, as well.

I am wishing you the best, because we must wish the best for one another.

-Vand.

Shenanigan

I'm finding my blooming patience a comfort,
Most days people know where to find me.
A set pace, a streetcar rolling down a triumphant hill.

45 miles per hour.
I pulled myself out of the fire,
I bandaged my heart and got back to work.

Bruised knuckles show where I've been most days,
A subtle kind of excitement washes over my crowd.
I've been waiting years for this.

Splitting grins sit where tears once reigned,
I am the ruler now, this is my domain.