Walk With the Sun, Love With the Moon. (11.16.16)

She is a wildflower,
Sprouting where nothing dares to grow.
The sun light flits over her garden,
That grows on the side of highway 66.

Her eyes shimmer like gold dust in a California river,
Given the chance she'd rather be panning for minerals
Then pining over missed chances.

Because to her there is nothing quite like the air,
Mixed with starlit woods.
Something about the dead of night
Makes her feel alive.

Let's get one thing straight (Think Thoughts.)

My brain is not my friend.
On that note neither is my body.
Both of these offending objects try and kill me on multiple occasions. Normally that processes is attempted like 40 times in the same day. Like today, I've been working my tail off for an 8 hour shift, and I've been doing my best to keep in contact with friends. My brain however, doesn't care. It looks me in the soul and says,
"You're not working hard enough, I wonder if you worked harder people might actually want to spend time with you."

What the hell?
NO!

Listen, I know what that voice is, it's Anxiety or Depression. Some kind of chemical changing my vibe from good to gross in a matter of seconds. No one thinks I'm not working hard, and people love me!
But that doesn't stop the voice.

So, why write this?
Why post yet another homage to my messed up connections?

You might just be thinking the same thing. You might feel useless and hopeless, like no one in the world likes you. Don't believe the hype, you are so wonderful! You're the most wonderful you in the world! The only you.
So don't listen to your bastard track.
You go be the most wonderful you that you can manage.

Lips (8.17.16)

You smile at me before we speak,
A precursor to a debate.
A simple stretch of lips across teeth,
Flips my mind to a crashing wave.

Sweetness surrounds the hand you lay on my neck.
Trailing roadways down my spine.
Together we traverse the universe.
In that moment we freeze time.

Yes. It's true. I do.
Love is a four letter word for a 50 cent feeling.
My heart feels so much more than that.

Because when I'm with you the sun
And moon rise and set all at once.
You leave me stunned in eternal twilight.

Latched onto your mouth like an
Underwater breathing apparatus
I cling to those lips,
I crave that smile.

Refractory (6.29.16)

He is a child of the sun,
Spurned by a world who would not know him.
His heart is warped wood,
Rotten in some places but still beating.
He still pulses with light.
Whispering to the stars above to
Deliver him from the ache of living.
What he doesn't hear are the stars,
In hushed tones the remind him of joy.
The light shimmer of dew on grass
The droplets reflect the brilliant saccharine orange that reverberated through the mountain tops.
The way clouds roll lazily overhead. 
The fresh scent of wet earth after an unexpected storm.
He weathered that storm, 
And finally he sees the sun on the other side.

An Update, and A Reminder.

Well hello gentlefolk.

I hope this update finds you well as I've been doing quite well myself.

Last update I clued you all in that I wasn't doing very well, problems with my mental health and problems with my physical stress. But the hurdles were jumped, the hoops set ablaze, and I came out the triumphant victor.
I quit my retail job because I hated it, and while not having a source of income sucked, it eventually led me to my current profession. I watch kids now (meaning I'm a nanny for hire), how fun. I make good enough money that I'm satisfied for now, I'm already thinking about getting another job on top of it, to help propel myself forward into new and untested waters.
I graduated high school, an anticlimactic event in itself. Perhaps more interesting come May 23rd, as that is the official ceremony date. The math was completed, the hours turned in, and the bell rung. I'm on my way to college now, I've decided to take a summer course. All to help maintain a scholarly mind. To, hopefully, give me better insight on how I'll fare in this new world, as well.

I am wishing you the best, because we must wish the best for one another.

-Vand.

Shenanigan

I'm finding my blooming patience a comfort,
Most days people know where to find me.
A set pace, a streetcar rolling down a triumphant hill.

45 miles per hour.
I pulled myself out of the fire,
I bandaged my heart and got back to work.

Bruised knuckles show where I've been most days,
A subtle kind of excitement washes over my crowd.
I've been waiting years for this.

Splitting grins sit where tears once reigned,
I am the ruler now, this is my domain.

Who I am (Who am I?)

While writing a piece on perceptions of people and how we present ourselves, I encountered a problem. Not the same question I wanted to pose when I set out to write this, but an interesting problem all the same.

Why is it that people who are kind and patient are seen as stupid?

Why is it that while writing this piece, I equated my genuine feelings of kindness and patients as naivety? Throughout the piece, I felt like I painted myself in a negative light. And I did! I called myself stupid and naive multiple times.  Why is it that people who are positive and who want to make people happy, are seen as idiots on a fool's errand? I noticed while thinking back to situations in my life that a lot of people are surprised when I am both kind and intelligent(Like the two are mutually exclusive), even myself! Has the world really been painted as so dark that anyone who believes in light is immediately considered an idiot?
More questions than answers, I'm afraid, but maybe one day we'll all see that kindness is truly the smartest option.
As they say, you catch more flies with honey, than you do with vinegar.