Hurts Like Scabs (4.17.17)

You walk into a pitch dark room,
The only light from the open door you came through.
The stale scent of stagnant water hits you first,
Then a tang, like metal, sinks inside your nostrils.
The air is tangible and cold, still it is too dark for you to see.
You recognize the ground is concrete
At the same time you realize you've lost your shoes.
The chill sets deeper in your bones,
You notice you're without your clothes
Completely exposed to this endless dark room.
Through the 'you' shaped shadow you see a pile
Dead center in the room.
Every cell screams for you to stand still.
The grit from the floor digs into the souls of your feet,
Still you push forward into the shadows.
With a creak and a snap, the door closes behind you,
As you knew it would.
So there you stand in the pitch,
Shade coalesces into bonds,
The already cloying air clots further,
You can feel it like memory foam sandwiching you still.
Nakedness, cold fear, and alone.
Wetness rolls down the side of the hollow of your cheek
You're crying-
You didn't even know.

Back Ally Bar Fight with Your Heart (04.01.17)

Welcome back to the dirt.
Hands, rotting and crumbling,
Something not quite dead.
Little shambling thing,
Created just to move.

Can you still feel the breath leave your lungs?
How did you end up here?
Black, blue, bloodied.
By some unknowable force.
Did you tell anyone you were wandering alone?

Smart girls know to only walk on well lit streets.
You weren't a smart girl, were you?
Treading where others refused to go,
Running through where trouble resides.
And now you'll never be found.

You died gasping,
Grasping for someones hand.
No one came.
Perhaps, by chance,
Some kind rain will come
And wash you all away.

Let's get one thing straight (Think Thoughts.)

My brain is not my friend.
On that note neither is my body.
Both of these offending objects try and kill me on multiple occasions. Normally that processes is attempted like 40 times in the same day. Like today, I've been working my tail off for an 8 hour shift, and I've been doing my best to keep in contact with friends. My brain however, doesn't care. It looks me in the soul and says,
"You're not working hard enough, I wonder if you worked harder people might actually want to spend time with you."

What the hell?
NO!

Listen, I know what that voice is, it's Anxiety or Depression. Some kind of chemical changing my vibe from good to gross in a matter of seconds. No one thinks I'm not working hard, and people love me!
But that doesn't stop the voice.

So, why write this?
Why post yet another homage to my messed up connections?

You might just be thinking the same thing. You might feel useless and hopeless, like no one in the world likes you. Don't believe the hype, you are so wonderful! You're the most wonderful you in the world! The only you.
So don't listen to your bastard track.
You go be the most wonderful you that you can manage.

Goddess (11.4.16)

Pretty Girl without even trying
Bats her eyes and wins the world.
Lusts over a boy who left her crying,
Smudged her makeup and ruined her curls.

So Pretty Girl got all dolled up,
Wore her high-high heals to worship at that alter in the sky.
Said goodbye to Sad Boy who sent her flying,
Said goodbye to the ones who made he lie.

"I'm no pretty girl," Pretty Girl would bash,
Cause Sad Boy got so scared,
When other Pretty People noticed her.

Pretty Girl loves Sad Boy,
So when the anger fades, the heels come off.
She'll be his pretty girl,
Until she's not.

The Way They Look (10.12.16)

When she looks at him,
She sees infinity and simplicity wildly intermingling.
When he looks at her,
He sees magic and ingenuity hurricane spiraling.

They brush glances like soft fingers trailing
On the curve of a cheek.
Or the quite laughter at,
Some word misspoken.

She loves so deeply,
Her heart a stormy sea.
He loves so fully,
His mind always at ease.

Though you wouldn't see it,
If you saw the two apart.
Watch them move together,
You'll know they're of one heart.

Consort of the Witch (7.16.16)

He leaves kisses like embers
On paper pale skin.

He worships this universe,
And it caresses away his pain.

Under the silver moon there is clarity.
In his body, in his mind.

The tempest heart is stilled.

The liminal space between their
Intertwined fingers

Is where adoration
And Affliction meet.

Greek Tragedy (6.16.16)

Come to me all lovers.
For I know how this
Story ends.

Live in me unhappy
Hephaestus.
With your rough
Hands,
And wide eyed fury.

Sing to me downtrodden
Apollo.
Let your cries end
At my bosom.

Kiss me sad
And lonely.
Until you feel whole.

Don't Panic. Full Stop. (9.7.16)

Don’t Panic.
A mantra well spread
Throughout the the two lobes of my head
Like Jam and PB on bread.
Don’t Panic
A phrase repeat,
Words, simple words,
That turn brave men to meat.
No, Don’t Panic.
There is so much left to do
Feel the heat course through you,
Oh of course this would happen too.
Panic,
Yes Panic.
Sets in quick and sick
Can’t respond to a text
Too nervous to stand or sit.
I’m taking shallow breaths through my nose
Panic spread from head to toe.
Panic. Don’t Panic.
Panic.
Oh No.

Lips (8.17.16)

You smile at me before we speak,
A precursor to a debate.
A simple stretch of lips across teeth,
Flips my mind to a crashing wave.

Sweetness surrounds the hand you lay on my neck.
Trailing roadways down my spine.
Together we traverse the universe.
In that moment we freeze time.

Yes. It's true. I do.
Love is a four letter word for a 50 cent feeling.
My heart feels so much more than that.

Because when I'm with you the sun
And moon rise and set all at once.
You leave me stunned in eternal twilight.

Latched onto your mouth like an
Underwater breathing apparatus
I cling to those lips,
I crave that smile.